As I stand at the precipice of this course, I feel as though I am gathering myself together like the edges of a sumptuous cloak clutched together against the cold. I’m huddled inside calling in different talismans towards me before I take the leap into the Urban Priestess training. I know already, deep in my bones, it is going to be helpful beyond measure for me.
Autumn’s new school year energy is apace. A 2016 diary is on my shopping list already; dates are filling up, plans are finding paths, summer dreams are now projects gaining substance and matter, requiring commitment, faith and hard work.
I am also listening, giving thanks to all I have harvested over the past few months and assessing what needs to be let go for a new cycle to begin.
I’m writing now to give you my ‘before shot’, if you will.
So, right now, I am sitting crossed legged on my bed, bathed in blessed September sunshine, the rays valiant in greying skies. When I look out of my wide, arched, victorian window, I can see a beautiful sycamore. I can hear her sing in the wind. I’m wearing a beautiful blue skirt of bright azure blue and a cardigan of power pink. I had a life change over the summer; I went on a ‘yoga holiday’ and came back a priestess (I think, of delight!). I remembered Magic. My childhood dreams were memories. Oh women of power, priestesses. I awakened to my soul.
I am so grateful for this training – a course in remembering who I am. I am ready to:
- Trust myself
- Listen to myself – my ears keen to the wisdom of the ones who know
- Spend time with witches
- Trust the universe, honour and respect it
- Understand lessons that are aching to be learnt
- Embrace who I want to be, who I am
- To be her
- To respect myself
- To craft a life I love and admire
- To dance my own path
- To connect blessedly with the healing earth
- I see signs – every time I see a raven I think of Sianna. The sun reminds me of Ashley. Apples give me Avalon and my sisters.
- But standing at the (h)edge* of taking this course I must admit my fears alongside my hopes.
A Few Fears
I fear I will not make payments. This is followed swiftly by the sharp sword knowledge that I WILL make payments, a strong surge of belief – I want this, I will do this.
That my fear will get in the way of me doing the course – I’ll make excuses, no time etc as a way of not respecting my self enough to delve. Except I know in my heart I will do this course. I am ignited and committed.
That the course won’t “solve” my life.
Except I know that life is always a dance of seeking and finding and that the answers will come in some form (even if its not the answer I expect or the form I want for a neat life – goddess forbid!)
That the course will work.
Aha, here’s the biggy. This one makes me laugh. What if the course “works” and then I have to live up to who I really am? There is fear of the responsibility of being who I really am, being my highest self which of course is my deepest desire.
That the course will work
That it will give me the courage and tools to be who I would like to be.
That I can look back this time next year and know deep in my heart that I have travelled very far indeed.
I will have a family, a great coven
I want to achieve a lot in these coming 13 moons and I know I will even if the achievements don’t come quite how I expect them to.
By the end of next year:
I’ll be a yoga teacher: I am still stunned that my father agreed to fund my yoga teacher training in Costa Rica with Sianna. It is such a blessing. I am working hard to honour this gift and know it will aid me in my personal practices and embodied nurtured approach to life.
I’ll be a writer: Writing for you each month will give me discipline and stamina and the courage to write other pieces.
I’ll be a fabulous actor: Heck yeah! My shows have and will tour, my agent is effective and dedicated, my admin is acute, I’ll be doing great work.
I’ll be financially solvent and abundant: I’ll be living within my means, and they’ll be great means!
I’ll be giving back to my parents in practical useful ways.
I’ll be serving others: I’ll be helping children read, helping a charity, helping my sister and sisters and all beings.
I’ll be giving on the beauty frequency.
I’ll be deeply connected to nature: living in the best way to help Gaia.
I’ll have a Home: I’ll be living in (another) beautiful, sacred space, with the love of my life.
I’ll respect: myself, my life, and I’ll be respecting, encouraging and honouring the women around me.
I’ll be a priestess.
I’ll have shed my cloak.
I’ll be flying.
*I learnt today that the word hag has deep origins. Hag’s etymology is woody, bound up with goddesses and hawthorns and hedges. Hedges were the boundary between the civilized world of the village and the wild world beyond. I am leaping into my wild self with this course, but I know in the end you will teach me to be a haegtesse, a hedge-rider, one who straddles the hedge between nature and culture, a happy hag.