The Muse archetype is a natural communicator and orator. Her specialty is skillfulness and grace in communication. Her shadow may be using too many words, tangential speech, darting about and not following through on commitments. She learns to build steadiness in her Self and speech.
The Gemini new moon is a good time to cultivate communication skills. When possible, begin any challenging conversation by setting an intention or saying a prayer – preferably with the other person.
Keep reading for 3 keys to healthy communication and listen to the audio clip below to learn more about non-violent communication from Urban Priestess co-founder Ashley Turner.
1. SOFTEN THE START UP
FACT: Women are far more likely than men to bring up touchy subjects.
The important factor is HOW we bring up these conversations. One of the great shadows of women as communicators is that we often tend to hold back our truth until resentment has built up. Once resentment, judgment and blame build up, it is often difficult to communicate without an “edge”.
Work to begin any conversation with a soft tone – rooted in the heartfield.
Use humor, play, complain/don’t criticize, come up with a plan to resolve the conflict.
“Discussions invariably end on the same note they began.” (Gottman, p. 161)
2. TAKE THE EDGE OFF.
It is imperative that you begin any challenging conversation by doing your own shadow work to identify where you are triggered and vulnerable. Once you have thoroughly examined your part in any challenge and owned these qualities within yourself – you will be more likely to lose your “charge” around who/what is agitating you.
3. SEND + RECEIVE REPAIR ATTEMPTS
FACT: In happy relationships, couples send and receive repair attempts with ease. In unhappy relationships, even the most eloquent repair attempt can fall on deaf ears.
The secret is learning the right kind of damage control + knowing when to put on the brakes and de-escalate the situation.
Examples of Repair Attempts
- I’m getting scared.
- Please say that more gently.
- Did I do something wrong?
- That felt like an insult.
- I feel like you’re blaming me. Can you rephrase that?
- I’m feeling unappreciated.
- I don’t feel like you understand me right now.
- I am starting to feel ‘flooded’ and overwhelmed.
I NEED TO CALM DOWN:
- Can you make things safer for me?
- I need things to be calmer right now.
- I need your support right now.
- Can I take that back?
- Tell me you love me.
In relationships, especially our romantic relationships, it is most effective to establish healthy ground rules for a difficult conversation. When a conversation escalates, it is crucial to have ground rules that govern our communication styles so that one or both parties feel contained and safe. This, in turn, allows for more transparency and fortitude.
- Which of these tips do you need to implement to improve the way you communicate?
- What is your greatest struggle with communication?
- How can we support you?
Leave a comment below so that we can support you in Sisterhood!